Running sheet for Key Concepts and Development: prelim and first draft, with pics and sounds!

1. Opening slide
Key concepts and developments - hello - introduction - personal statement
2. The developmental hegemony
3. Reaction/response: bridging efforts
4. The geopolitical alternative/challenge
5. What is our challenge? when, where, why, how?
6. Both models have something to offer (see 2 and 4)
7. Both models have opportunity benefits and costs
8. Both have contributed to the world: individually, inter/intra personally (transactionally), locally, regionally, globally
9. For us to work effectively and efficiently in both models: necessary and sufficient conditions
10. We need accurate, relevant and comphrehensive.
NO one source or model has ALL we need. A valuable life lesson!
11. So we must do all in our power (trust ourselves - Dr Spock
trust each other - Nussbaum capability theory.
12. To promote, initiate, maintain and terminate: a continuum of options and necessary and sufficent conditions.
13. People, circumstances, theories/models, praxis ...
15. We may truly say: "the only constant is change".
16. Change may - known or unknown to the change agents/actions - bring uncertainity (more properly, degrees of certainty and nuances thereof!)
17. What do we know? Where did we come from - where are we going? We must be receptive to queries and concerns.
18. When two models clash, there are always instances of productive uncertainity with all its inherent anxiety.
19. - BUT massive and permanent changes that
20. Pay off in Mastery of Competence (or at least Competence)
21. What do we mean by competence? * ability * skill. It can be developed and can be localised or globalised (or tranactionalised or regionalised!)
22. So to bridge change and uncertainity we need to ASSUME COMPETENCE.
23. Everything WILL be fine! - at least we won't die tomorrow.
24. One second is temporary. Two seconds is permanent.
25. More specifically if the interaction (viz. change) which stays with us in memory and imagination.
26. We reveal ourselves most when we deal with difference. Ideally we must have difficulty and challenge to function well. We must be out of our comfort zone!
27. How do we think? Feel? Act? NOW?
28. In terms of our model: a developmentalist may feel vertigo in space, while her geopolitical colleague may lose time.
(lose in time?)
29. Response to change uncertainity and challenge within and outside our working model.
30. Working models are a metarepresentation of our strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats.
31. They are not perfect. They are (nearly) always a rough draft.
32. which affects our processes and goals in meeting our own expectations and measurement against ideal and reality.
33. "A house divided" Strive for tolerance excellence balance and harmony.
34. How do we achieve this? Why bother?
(picture of frazzled person, map and clock)
35. My tendency to get into the wrong place at the wrong time, as a child and young teenager could have been a life-threatening weakness.
36. However as I have grown through my experiences (up and down are developmental literalisms masked as geopolitical figuratives and metaphors. To an extreme geopolitican this extreme developmental metaphor is extremely legless and not worthy of the name in any shape way or form.
37. I soon learnt I had a knack for meeting the right people in almost any and every situation. Thus a great strength can be a lifetime opportunity.
38. Bridging efforts are most relevant when and where they bring strengths to the table!
39. Bridging systems produce uncertainity and risk when they deal with strenght weakness opportunity and threat.
40. We need to orientate in place and time. No escape. No excuses. Pure and simple reality.
41. We can attune with others.
42. Together we can build relationships.
43. Whose consequences will stay with us for life.
44. (Well, for a crucial period or a transitional one).
45. Dealing with - or healing from transition?
46. Transition brings shock trauma grief.
47. Transition is a special kind of change.
48 Very often its benefits and costs are one-time only.
49. This does not apply to opportunities and threats.
50. No matter what. We are the person we have learnt to be. We shape ourselves to be this person. (Our behaviour, thinking, cognition, affective feelings, our stuff we've accumulated is not us - well, not the essential us, I feel. We are what we decide to be fundamentally, conscious or no!)
51. Transition is an excellent way to gain clarity and re-evaluate ourselves.
52. One such transition for me ...
53. Transition is NOT one big thing. It is several little things.
54. "Take care of the pennies ..." One time they didn't but mostly they will.
55. Learning and applying: political social and historical enquiry.
56. Models of leadership and management: from the inspirational to the shambolic.
57. I am an excellent capacity builder. I identify, recognise, strategise and encourage for, with and to the best.
58. "When your good is good enough". Peter Wheatley my athletic mentor.
59. Sometimes we have to abandon good in favour of good enough. (What about when we choose? Any choice in the matter?)
60. What leads to tolerance and acceptance down the road will almost lead to betrayal. We must be constantly vigilant of possibilities and realities in this regard and other emotionally/morally 'dreadful places' and with potentially/actually 'dreadful people'.
61. It was designed - or evolved - that way. Don't blame the Man (not if we can't help it! - or he/she for that matter! What we can't help, he/she/it can't - if you're a secular humanist or have that core belief system).
62. Change the system and/or work with it? Find attitudes, values, a belief system, for heaven's sake, if you haven't one or are only starting to develop one but you haven't any confidence or skill in grasping the concept.
63. Our model operates for and with the long haul - toujours la pratique - STRAIGHT FROM THE HIP rough trans - NO QUICK FIXES!
64. Further quick fixes have greater-than-anticipated opportunity costs.
65. I'd really appreciate it if you read the signifier/sign here and regarded it from the POV signified: DO NOT BE TEMPTED. To be ruder and cruder but still (dys?)euphemistic: DECENCY FORBIDS QUICK FIXES, or THIS IS A QUICK FIX FREE ZONE. Strive for it in all your dealings and then you will encounter real life healings!
66. Five LJ rules.
67. Find excellence in spreading and disseminating (ideas? messages? memes? germinating? generativity?)
68. Stay aware - stay proud! (How does one get aware - get proud - get a life? Are the two a necessary sufficient condition for #3?)
69. Amigos par Siempre. We can teach the world to sign in harmony...
70. And/while embracing benevolence, controllability, meaning ... the world almost always has something to teach us.
71. Identify learning blocks fearlessly and courageously in yourself - others - the system - the world - those for whom you are responsible and those who are and were responsible for you.
72. Work with them not for them or against them. (Especially not this last!).
73. Take-away message/homework post-presentation. Goodbye. I'll be back.
au revoir! a bientot a tout mes amis et mes petites et le Systeme D.
(Goodbye, friends, children and the Establishment; in plain Anglo-Saxon or coherent conclusion to oral presentation talk - maximal capacity in politisse/finesse - strike right balance of harmony, formality and grace!)
QUESTION, ANSWER AND DISCUSSION - point out interesting, famous or questing audience members and do vox pop/street talk.
(This last could be fun fun fun in the Oslo sun!)

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Preparation for GAT and June and October tests

"Tant que je puis".

Funnily enough, most of the school that we are proud of ...

rather that I was proud of attending from 1996 to 2001 ...

that I had given very significant service to both academically, socially and co-curricularly ...

from the first week when I got roped into explaining why I was high on life ...

(oddly I'd have a persuasive article about this right up. And I never thought ten years go this year I would have had a ministry. Thank you Hillside Youth and Ian Purse for having always been so reality based and yet saving us through and by love, to quote Amy Grant, Contemporary Christian Singer.)

One thing you can do to prepare yourself for adult life is practice writing to a time limit.

There really are so many things you can write to at least three hours.

I am sure you can all produce at least two text responses.

I wonder Cate, Helen and Lynnette are so tolerant.

Of course Lyn being the learning and teaching manager ... if you lot don't start doing the teachers credit, heads are going to roll.

It's better to take the punches and roll with them now than regret it when it comes to VTAC. This is in little more than 14 weeks from now or as early as 6. You should try and get in the very first week. Decide one's preferences in the summer, put in the work this semester, show what you can do with the GAT.

There are lots of naturally occuring situations for point of view and more especially for analysis.

This very blog has a lot of them.

A lot about finding ideas for writing is looking for a sentence you like.

Two things we miss about VISE/VAC/HSC/TOP/T12/VATE qualifications.

Actively examine yourself, your life, your friends, your classmates.

Remember a wise old Athenian said: The unexamined life is not worth living.

Can you identify the man without looking at a reference?

An Internet reference?

Do you still preference print?

Do you use materials comicontant to your learning ability (your best guess/estimate)?

I believe in the Junior School Phys Ed and Sport Ed was full of things like goal setting. I have benefited handsomely. I'm not going to Germany yet but click under the folksomy for Churchill Fellowship.

Where do you see yourself in one years/three years/five years time/ten years time/twenty years time/fifty years time?

KS (not the Visegrad trustee co-guarante) but my German teacher made us keep a journal. Many of the ideas I learnt to express in there and the techniques and skills.

I do fear that we've had a lot of insecurity (expressed as crimes against learning, crimes against teachers, crimes against peers, crimes against younger students. I hope you were responsible. It has always disappointed me when members of the top form - at least above 2.0 did not behave like it).

Learn psychology, philosophy, sociology, anthropology, media studies, communication studies.

Read the newspaper and literary anthologies and magazines of record.

Maurani is one of those. You know who makes it who you are?

The only M I didn't see myself in was 1999. Yet it was so powerful.

I remember when Michael Gawenda came to our place, under the auspices of his daughter.

He would be one powerful ally.

Another one was Peter Pidduck. I'll show you what he's been able to do. Shame he had to leave.

I feel sorry for Mr Thompson. I love the guy dearly and I always will. His was the one class I could do history without shame. And I can't believe my co-top-student and my very dear friends discussed Poland freely without shame and embarrassment. Thank you for giving me motivation and purpose in everything. Your memory is a beautiful one in a dark and vulnerable period and propelled me to success and thinking of others.

I would also like to thank Helen Van Der Nagel. Like another Helen four years later in the Professional Writing and Editing Department, she has always pushed us to achieve beyond her best. The woman is a mental and physical giant athlete. Another person who has inspired me is Peter Wheatley of Knox Little Athletics. No greater love has Van Der Nagel than for those who endure and strive. Even in her seemingly weaker students - physically, mentally and emotionally - she has produced an appetite for success and good work. She teaches the texts so wonderfully, and her methods might be seen as pandering to English Lite. I think she is more a Leavis person and she honours the traditions of reader-response which this implies. If you have never read Joseph Conrad, I think you will receive such an awakening and it will genuinely feel like a coming. When I was introduced to Amy Foster the movie, it made me really want to read Lord Jim and all the other Marlow stories. Look at Conrad especially for stylistic features and the way he forms and structures a narrative. I hope this serves you well in looking at Christopher's story as told in Curious Incident, which I am still not quite sure about, even now. It baffles me.

My Geography teachers would be so proud of me for doing the right thing. I speak naturally enough of Carolyn Dunkley, Colleen Guye (whose sister Fiona was a wonderful mentor, and wait until she sees me now, and Oonagh and Sinead will be direct beneficiaries, as will Berne, she had continually to redirect me) and especially Hilda Knight. From the time she had reached out to a lonely girl who despite it all had a sense of humour. She listened to me, she humoured me, she validated me in my academic life. I have developed skills and attitudes which will have carried me far. Five years after I studied my last outcome in the European Union - sadly enough during September 11. I was still writing recommendations in that dark day not quite five and a half years ago. I said those things and I so have stuck by them - and she will be so proud of me and I of her. I am very proud of Anita and Jody, who first I met at our Year 7 celebration. You girls have grown up so strong and fine and you continue to inspire me, as does Rosie, who must have grown up so fast.

I have only really had three Studio Arts teachers in my life. We all know I am not good at Art, at least at doing things which gain marks. We did no art theory during the junior years, and I did no art. I would like to thank Laverne Simmons and her daughter Sarah. You two are a profound influence on my development. I would never have thought, so soon after rough, tumbles and pratfalls.

You children have seen through September 11 and March 20 and March 12 2004 in Madrid. Last year you prepared for the London bombings. I was able to rise above it. We went to the St Kilda poetry fest and it was a spiritual feast after famine. This year I have read during Upwey.

Here is some mentoring and leadership work. (set these vulnerable young women a good example, unlike me! Tell them you come from over the hills and not nearly so far away as these girls may think). (splendid and sterling work - you can do as well or better. Catholic Schools are not as threatening as independents).
And he is absolutely right - I remember when I was guided through a poetry reading by this Shakespearean Lake Poet of the third millenium during the end of the last. Megan Follows though inspiring could never hold a candle. And the tenacious D and his friends are there, though cleverely and discreetly disguised. (more general stuff, might really interest and inspire you. Show everything to someone you trust).
(Read parts 1 and 2 language analysis and point of view. I will put up my contemporary notes as part of the portfolio to show Visegrad Trust what I have been up to - ie not no good - do not try using a double negative in the GAT or the exam  - particularly as one of our missions is to tutor people to actively communicate, socialise and imagination).
(And I would check the English Literature and English Language Papers).
This teacher is splendid. If you have ever wanted to be one, you will be inspired.
I don't know if you should examine it per se
Get Watson, Van Der Nagel and Doyle at least to leverage the power of the blog, the wiki and other social software. We have always been behind the eight ball and I am virtually self-taught. If it wasn't for Susan I wouldn't have learnt anything useful at all, particularly 1998-200. Besides, this is how I met Luke Henderson and crew. Very hard-working motivated people. May you all succeed in your chosen careers and developmental trajectories, building bridges.
Clarence Fisher, always an interesting and relevant blogger at any time
He is indeed a reflective teacher. He writes and speaks as if he'd been doing it all his life, yet 2005-06 is his debut.
This woman has been leveraging all my work. She continues to be a lotus in the mud and has been for the last six months. Shame I've lost my blogging address.
And I meant it this time. I would have added since .... but it seems flippant. Stay wise, be safe, practice constant vigilance. This is a high standard of reading and writing.
Excellent stuff. I wish some people twice their age would produce HALF as consistently. I appreciate that blogs did not exist until most of you who are now here at this point (terminale)
The committee are committed and the articles are of a uniformly high standard. I now pass the torch on to someone who can act and observe in the breach when it comes to books and stories.
General Kaiden's fanfiction, especially Harry Potter. One tells about the things we experienced contempariously. I did wonder with interest and read The Orb of Ultimate Power
The same writer, in FictionPress. He has a wonderful portfolio. I am glad in hindsight that I never stopped listening - and I'm just glad he never shut up. Like him or hate him, do not ignore him. Actually, do or do not. After fifteen years of standing by, understanding and bystanding ... oh God I have no words.
Let us lobby and thank god for Eurotrance just after Eurovision. Let us return to the alpha and hope to hurry the omega, with the Athenian tradition of free speech and democracy lessening the distance between us. I can't believe we are still so young and yet such achievers. I'm proud too. I would love to call him brother and his recent wife my sister-by-marriage-and-covenant-geopolitique. That was a developmental baptism of fire for them both. You can see differences in temperament. He is cool and mellow.
Sharon Grey wrote a wonderfully philosophical piece. I never dreamed quite so much about the personal being the (geo)political until I saw this woman's challenge to developmental hegemony. Early in 2001 Doyle used her to indicate personal writing.
If you want to have your mind blown. Personally I do prefer my highs from other channels.
I too can lucid dream! At least this is better than intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and (the cost of hyper/hypo/'white noise' [focusing on irrelevancies]/test pattern [just as it suggests)vigilance
Channel 31 Melbourne: a splendid example of independent TV.
We have such good creatives on our side from all sides. We should so bid for a licence
I hope they showed the Hungarofest - of more in a moment. James Lyne, Kate Bolton ... creme de la creme ... got some great fun out of me. More on the parody shortly, after Voice, my first effort in this time. I handed it to Mrs Doyle on Open Day.Northern Access TV. Enough said. McLauchlan, Downey and the others do a splendid sterling job.
I performed on this during Shelton's death and wake. Lea was one of the Darrell Lea's adopted sons, and had a very interesting life which I'll divulge in my Writing Folio.
Sterling work
A precious woman while debilitated in 2003 still survives - at least enough to learn about computers!
They must have done a lot of work. I can personally and professionally recommend JPG Media without hesitation.
My Dad is no longer a journalist but my Uncle (the little one) goes from strength to strength
He no longer works for Fairfax
He is the bard of my childhood and a true inspiration to students everywhere at all levels of theatre and stagecraft
Eve is a legend too. Her imaginary friend has inspired so many student artists to become professional in their approach to their folios.
These people made my childhood and adolescence worth living. I'm a late convert in early adulthood!
This blog speaks for and of itself!
If you want to research some aspect of familial or communual past this link explains how and why bother. It can be so rewarding, even though my mother doesn't think so. I am sure I shall convert her.
You people are awesome. Imagine: 10 years of the web
The man who started it all in (ca) 1989-1992
Clear back in November we discussed Curious Incident - processed four years after the event. Well, months. Depression does strange things to the waistline, not to mention you can no longer bend your knees and your brain is swimming in deep water.
If you sincerely and love inspirational music with a poetic feature, then this lady's website is superlative and awesome. And she was on ROVE.
Most Aussies and enlightened honest internationalists, pace Powderfinger, mean McManus. The maniac has given lots of students inspiration and work experience
I would so love to be in my hero's sport. He is a sportsman and will, to me, be forever remembered.
The making of me as a woman. I am Geopolitical Woman, hear me roar.
This is the woman who made Generation X's phooar!
Celebrity death march: Sharon vs the Shepherdess
Try defending this arrangement. He has 50 in Business Management - first class honours anywhere - and yet when it comes to the crunch he has betrayed me. Well, misunderstanding never killed a woman, or even made her acutely/chronically sick. We'll prove them wrong at Mitcham!
This is a reality-based VCE/HSC community for all students and all stripes.
See you at the realistic community for real life work experience, payoffs and working on behalf of the vulnerable, the desensitised, the sensitives (in the schizoid/schizotypal sense, so close and yet so far from Wing's loners)
This woman admits 25 years later that two Wings don't make a Wong, nor a Song. Still she is credited for this feat of psycharacheology.
This woman has a brain and she knows where we keep ours and theories thereof.
Do you have the cheap one? Watch it in the holidays and then you will understand me. You may condemn me, but at least you will have grounds.
Go for it kids. Go at them. Answer their surveys. The next step up from Memes. And Sydney vs Melbourne is valid, reliable and verifable cross culturalism
And lots lots more over the coming weeks.
  • Current Mood
    enraged enraged
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What a great session - and what a bugger of a day!

I feel shocked, confused, ambivalent.

It's April 7 1995 in May 26 2006.

Unity in diversity.

Acceptance in rejection.

Reactive and proactive

Projective and so defensive.

My thoughts derail far too easily.

For right now - but not for ever - I may not be well enough to take on any intellectual, emotional or productive work.

I hate it. I've just overcome a tragi-comic life experience and the upshot is a psychiatric disability.

It was finally time for fate to be cruel when it has been so unexpectedly kind.

I am certain I did not deserve the blessings that I have.

I don't know whether that's optimistic or realistic.

I love healthy salads. Word salads - their verbal-lingustic equivalent are good.

I have a lot of other multiple intelligences and the past knowledge and hope of future wisdom will draw me through at least next week.

I guess the last bastion of empowerment - and the lifelong legacy of betrayal and incompetence and fraud and deception and everything else the whole shebang.

What a way to begin and what a way to end.

No more heros, no more slaves, no more gods.

I'm in this world and I hope I have allowed greater fantasy potentials to rise for reality.

Others will have to do the hard yards. From this time forward I have decided to act first last and only for myself.

I want to carry my own stability or security. Home, hospital or monastery; my options are going to be very limited.

Even the most permissive environment has rules.

Even the most loving people need structure.
  • Current Mood
    crazy crazy
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There I've said this: amid controversy and accusations of hacking

Don't worry. I'm the only one who uses this computer.

And those who will use it for historical research will be strictly supervised.

I will put a web cam. This is standard EBP in social sciences and humanities.

My proud researchers and those who love to work and work to love for knowledge, information and free speech and living and other freedoms that have been fought for from Solidarnosc to the Accession to the Expansion.

It has been my experience - personally and productively and professionally - that Poles love freedom because they have worked hard for it. Generally Aussies have far too much and that is why they are growing fat like Keating's much-maligned pigs. For god's sake, you do not blame the victim, and you do not impugn an honest, activist survivor who is clearly grounded in a present and a future beyond human understanding and immediate concerns of some very stressed students.

Here we are. Nearly fifteen years (minus four months and add one - I always thought I'd be a strong mathematyka some day - any female words for scientific occupations and declensions thereof much appreciated).

Here is my article of faith and declaration of honesty, integrity, tolerance and respect.

I will continue to stand up and be a lotus in the mud for as long as the mermaid with the sword needs me

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Fraud and deception: a four dimensional ethical and philosophical and pragmatic thought

Mon Dieu.

I read that fraud is a deception made generally for personal gain.

Here's a direct bearing on my position as Co-guarnatee of a literary trust which aims to help the Polish-Australian, immigrant, indigenous and currency lads and lasses cope with each other with balance and harmony and maturity in our Global Village.

Crucial and central relevant question for which I appreciate feedback and whatever guidance you all can offer me from your experiences and core beliefs and values, as well as relevant susbidary ones
Has a civil/public servant ever the right to make a deception to protect somebody she loves, in order to avoid the greater evil of betrayal?

I think fraud is the embellishment or concealment of truth whereas betrayal aims to keep the person deliberately ignorant of the truth. Hoax, particularly in my own professional literary life can reveal or heighten truth and its relations to ethical loci of control and explicate power.

Therefore I stand by my conviction and have courage that fraud is actually less morally wrong than betrayal, and my primary ethical consideration leads to minimisation of harm and zero tolerance of malfeasance. If zero tolerance desires a net personal and professional gain and uses a flexible attitude to truth, we will then have an ethical and pragmatic moderate attitude to form.

With me truth is a middle order value. My top level values include tolerance, diplomacy, tact, sensivity, intelligence - logical and emotional, contemplation. I think truth comes into my top ten. It is a necessary but not sufficient condition for trust and nurture. A child still wants to love his mother and will make up lies to facillitate this, and a little later in his life he will go on with his friends and people he wants to please. The disease to please can be replaced by a capability approach over time with a gratitude attitude not a weaselly platitudial existence but an essence of being in which we can all live in truth whatever it may be. Truth to me is love patient and kind. It is one of the greatest ways of initiating and maintaining intimate boundaries of self-disclosure.

There that (re/rev?)solution is very Aristolean.
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Perhaps I'm not *so* institutionalised

Well, maybe not.

And I didn't say I was institionalised here and now.

I almost certainly would be.

I want a tranquil not a restrictive placement with maximum freedom.

My mental health has been really great.

Still not so confident about writing vs. speaking.

It's like I never shut up.

Not only but also: I should never have listened to the people who would use their power and authority only to disempower me and silence me - or to silence anyone I care about. Silence I see as this delicate violet or maroon shield, and like a soft blanket that surrounds and nurtures and protects.

Some silence is like blue or yellow and that's when it's conspiciously inappropriate. And another red and black and green silence and sometimes yellow spots is when I feel too fucking tense and incochate with words. That would be the very very eptiome of the Just because I can't speak [right now/just yet] doesn't mean that I [won't have soon/when I choose to/when I am empowered/able] haven't anything to say.
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Tommy would be so proud of me: Embracing my other business interests!

The T I am referring to is Tom Payten.

Dear boy; he showed a wonderful thing to us.

I love it when introverts show their extroverted side.

He made a presentation slide using Shockwave about FUCK and SHIT.

I love the reversal of roles and expectations.

Even when I'm scared to do it myself I find such self-confidence sexy. And it's like you're a spicy salsa with bits in it. Kids should SO experience this food. We learn SO much from taste. I can't believe my gustatory instincts are coming. I've had naught but milk and honey.

This is so Joseph and the Technicolour Dreamcoat meets The Lion King (1993 movie, and 1995 soundtrack. Oh, Jessie Ludekens - Ludekens family en masses - Daniel was another problematic gentleman who inspired my problem solving skills, particularly in creating a landscape through ICT concepts and practices. No, I've never been afraid. My very favourite authors as a girl really made girls who made loving computers sexy, and yet they didn't get afraid. I have never been afraid of computers, and yet over the past six years ... I sort of have been ... I have been acting as if my Internet is limited and there's no cost. I'll pay for it some day but I will own it here and now and not borrow trouble here).

And then I got scared. What if I can't do Visegrad and make the website all it should and could be? I want people to see our shop window. I can think if Sue Ryder or Anita Roddick did this they would so be thinking high street and their website would have the same focus and target audience. Yes, I'm so embracing my businesswoman.

In 1995 I had principles, boundaries and the courage to experience them and convey them to the reader so maybe she might be thinking she could pick and choose as a reliable and valid source. I must be asking a terrible lot of you guys. But I have always been accustomed to asking and then getting. But I think there is a disconnect. I don't get want. I get needs, and I get Maslow's Heirarchy.

I am not making so many social gaffes, because I am so focused and I have my boundaries way in place. I'm well defended but probably not nearly as unhealthily so. I know enmeshment now. It's like the child has died inside the mother and could not possibly be nourished enough. I will so ask Pani L and then go to Pani B and her boy and girl (they gave her a name day scarf and Pani Ania - Bozena's sister - was having this incredible journey, and she told me lots about what The Palace of Culture and Science - which I wrote a poem about, arguing about the library as the Palace of Culture. I don't know about the science part, but I am so going to use it as leverage and a bargaining chip. Oh, dear, I love the token economy and the social exchange of food. If I ever end up using ABA there is not going to be not enough. Oh, the children will know that the universe and especially those who love and trust will get abundance.

This has not been my truth for a number of years now.

Shit, I'm even more institionalised and disempowered than I thought.

And I also have more capacity for healing and growing and changing.

I am much better at holding two ideas in my head for longer.

I can so parallel play now.
  • Current Music
    Patti Smith - People Have The Power
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Them's fighting words: a nuanced perspective

There are dimensions of the English language I could not have possibly perceived when I was 17 or 18.

I don't know that Charlotte Bronte felt them either when she was my contemporary and at a comparable stage of writing. I was always far more terse, and not descriptive. I think I have the commonality that I can laugh hard and laugh often and laugh early (shown so very well in Blume's Blubber, that great tale about writing, whale riding [double etendre if you know the story as intimately as I might, and as I would wish the next generation of rising women and women writers]) and also that when I immerse the reader in a situation the reader very often wants me to lead and them to follow. There are some splendid samples like this - fiction and non-fiction. I think like Jane Austen, especially in argumentative/persuasive writing (nobody can take away my ability to argue nor my inchocate need to persuade - it must have been linked to some seperation/individuation process much more extreme in me and somehow I can't imagine my Polish boy going through - not like his elder brother - he seems so wonderfully productive, intuitive, educated, creative. I hope that when the boy I do love and who I have badly mistaken for the shadow of the one I hate - there's Jung, Shakespeare, Poe and Conrad - I mean like Heart of Darkness Conrad - which I will admit to reading and picking apart for the early Polonisms. Hey, Polonisms sort of draw me in. Sometimes I think this is to do with my big worry concern that Polonism will go out of style or fashion. Louisa May Alcott and Daphne Du Maurier were authors that really presaged this esteoric concern of mine - and I am trying to fashion something about peripatic writings - I think they are more general when the person is on the move. You can so tell that a person is being dynamic in her systematic side of her thought process. When she is dynamic, it feels like to the reader that she was so freed. Hence the beautifully and wrought iron tension yet fairy lighted Luna Park feeling of much teenage and young adult fiction, the kind I thought I wanted to write once and now I'm not quite so sure. I am thinking now if I appeal to the latency set - the sort of thing Del Simpson wanted us to think of when we made our books - we both of us. And as well as being far more dynamic I get it now about kids being playful and little animals learning about life. Torey Hayden's The Tigers Child really works and stirs and beats that metaphor, and I can imagine there are some languages - not particularly Germanic, and Romantic isn't nearly as sexy as when you've been brought up with it. I cannot particularly imagine Russian and Polish as sexy at least if I imagine for a while through native speaker [!] eyes. And native speaker and ESL student are like fighting words. Picnic Week 1995, anyone? I'll tell the story if I can have the courage to make it sound a little heartfelt and not like a heart hug to the reader. Right now it sounds like someone is throttling the girl I was with air. It reminds me so much of when the girls would cover me with grass, which is a liminal which has stayed with me. I want to sort of insuitate the feelings that the woman she has so grown into positively, realistically and resillently is now saying that never was and couldn't ever be anybody's bitch. The position of bitch with a capital B is a wonderfully empowering one. I can imagine Patti Smith being one. Anna Waronker - yeah yeah yeah! Of course, Aristotle was like the king of peripatic writers. I can imagine Aristotle being this Greek guy today like our librarian. Want to write more about the librarian and the holding environment. Need to go to same. I can so understand why you might like to do work experience at one. It is a very direct way of helping people. They consume the information and assume and presume it on their own experiences. And I can see the relation between the theatrical projection. Some scary absurdist plays do that sort of thing: After Dinner (Bovell: we girls fought so over the Monica monologue that the woman might have been a doll. That can be a very sexy thing. Would like to explore: childlike, childish, childhood and incipient sexuality. The power of the 'gonna be' which probably makes a certain kind of very honest, integral, jounaissance) and also Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf (Albee. I'm still surprised by how much I was able to learn and take in. I couldn't do anything but take in, and my thriving side so wants to show off, share joy, share praise. This is not like me - others never expected it from me or someone like me that they draw in their heads like a shadow magic lantern of the type used in one Road to Avonlea story. I read the real thing and I knew it was another writer. They had the words of the story but not the music. Like they were carrying it as a skeleton box with a cat in it. Is the story then real or pretend? I don't understand why we don't treasure what we need to measure instead of it consuming it. Consuming it as me is a lot better, but still not like the mature, empowered response for which I am groping right now in the dark. It is bothering me a lot less not being understood. I half can't believe that I am coping so well, but I have much more of a misunderstood:understood history. It makes me savour the family who does and will understand me so much more. That's got to be good. Security in incochant and incipent transactions within the family. For the first time in nearly 10 years, have been very open with Maman. It's partly the illness, but I didn't see a need for it when I was well because I saw no need for it when we were alive and present. Hungry ghosts. I believe in giving them a fish or especially them fishing for memories themselves when they want to eat them. I know the ghosts are pretend and yet I sort of consciously make them real. Slightly less control and I would be having dissociative episodes, which I am having this week. The no need for sleep or food is getting surreal. The food I can understand just now, and I shall so eat with a will when I am well. I will probably have a studio apartment and the man I write with).

Cory being a legend. He is like awesome. And he had this incipient sexiness which all the geographical girls. And Mrs Dunkley. I now realise how much her empowerment and encouragement matters. I was a good girl getting her work done. I think it is like 70 defence: 30 real. That 30 percent was the part she was able to bond with. Like, I would always appear to get her jokes while doing my dulce decorum thing, which in my first year I was so wonderful at. I wanted to get away from the bad girl I was being constructed as. More like difficult.

I'm not difficult by a long shot. I know this from the people who so get me in the gut when I talk passion and compassion and love. Went to pick up a book about Van Gogh. Was so going to expect I would have to treat this book with care. I care more for people, and I so have my caring for books. Sometimes books to me are more like people and objects. There are people I love so much that I want to be like Laura in Glass Menagerie and put all her animals in here. And I get the symbolism now and I can analyse it and communicate it and get it at a gut level and put it across to this really comprehensible level. And I can see and feel. It's like I am compensating big time for my sensori-neural difficulties, now I have this context and like this mental map makes sense. I so get "Cardboard and sand is grownup play ..." that Temple said of Tom, because I now directly and indirectly get this level of relationship with men. And I am thinking lots more visually and the other senses will come too. I know my auditory stuff is coming along too - this is the most disordered sense, especially in a spatial relations context.

I could be so the best conceptual maths student. I don't need to feel bad because now I have designed my own ways to live work and study and I am confident in communicating them and relating them. And I thought this really soft pink bunny thought (can you tell from this place that it is playground and playgroup week - why oh why did the paper not come)? And I heard that the old Pizza Hut is going to be a childcare centre. What a beautiful example of rehabilitation. Steve will so love it when I share with him. I don't know if he knew I wanted to work with children someday. I don't know that we shared it. I was like, so focused, on my writing, and so still scared, tentative, uncertain. This is the sort of fear some men know what to do with, and the woman can so empower the little guy inside the man by teaching, modelling, scaffolding. I am so living Vygotsky and the others now. I like innately get working this way, and I am working for play as much as I ever am for more concrete and abstract - oh so literaliste now from hindsight.

It's only by developing my mental landscape and moving stuff around in it metaphorically that I get time. I know I can get time now. I can't get time by seeing it and looking at it. Yet I feel time and I am at home in it. I feel at home in it most when I honour my space. And I honour it by being natural with the clutter, the way Mirka would be at home. I like that sort of living house, as opposed to the other kind. And I am so ready.

Maybe I could be my own sort of engineer. I must admit that I have done so many social engineering things. And I could so help people and give them my skills by example. This is all I wanted when I was a very little girl and I get it on a deep level that the small girl inside me would get. It's like my feelings are now this polyphonic soundscape and each feeling is like a note. That is how I was able to write Our trust is an awesome trust and I could feel the song moving and flowing and I just felt intuitively that it would so work. And people would mean it and follow it. Rather like See You at the Pole. I'm more comfortable making double entendres. I was shit scared of doing euphemisms. I said Voldemort and I used it in such a powerful rhyme. I said his name.

And I was shit scared about the future. I mean, like, what future? I think I now sort of see psychologists as cyborgs who fix your programming. I know so much about Linux and Unix. When I was little I had a system like a DOS/CPM (remember the old Commodores - computers, people - Roger had one!).

I not just respect creative people. Again I was so scared to maybe like stay in my own world. I mean, like I have opened the sluice gates that separated my mind and heart when I was so very very sick and unhappy and scared. I mean, I couldn't even drop a pin around a certain people (yes, show me a people, how wonderfully ridiculous, and so Chomskyian - Green ideas sleep furiously). But now I so see Eric Berne and Transactional Analysis so much better and truer now. I am going to be such a strong fourth force lady, now I have abandoned especially the fourth estate. Journalism is no good for me. I look forward to the time when religious, realistic and speculative will all combine in a multiverse of genre and form.

Even genre awareness is up 100%. I can now identify the reader so well. I used to have these sort of subclinical paranoid ideas - I say subclinical because there was like this realistic - 51%-49% maybe - possibility that perhaps they could come true. I know good ideas come true too and I am much better equipped to live with the possibility and I am less scared to have more radical ideas and then I will get new and better and realistic ones.

And I feel like this little girl who has grown up so incredibly fast and so incredibly far. I think I understand my first three years so much better now, and the other three years (1989-1992). I used to think I could so not get in touch with about 6-30 age range. Yet here I am seriously getting a childcare qualification. Must be all these not-so-great nannies. That's my selfish competitive ambitous side. Yet there is like another dimension to my ambition, like as if you were cutting this apple and doing it for the birds or this little kid that you love so much and you loved the little him and you are going to love the grownup him so very very much .

I now know what a gutless prick I was in Honours years, especially very early in the first. I know the reason too. I was so scared people would punish me for being sick that this very much depleted my energies and insights that would help me to get well.

Back then I learnt how to set up boundaries and this works so well. I am so going to model with the kids by telling them if they want a house and garden and a pool [!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all the way to the moon or at least the glass ceiling - this is so funny them hitting the glass ceiling!]. And young doctor_leggett paid me like the biggest compliment. I am now so much more available to men now I have abandoned my conformist pretence. Okay mate, I'll just show you what I'm like. I have this corpulent Geyer-type that I can sort of access and use it especially when I really want someone to love me for me to quote a beautiful Mariah Carey song from my girlhood, actually the beginning of my professional career. That white tent is to me as a symbol of me what it could be to other people. I was going through a point of relative mutism and introversion - if you had MBTed me at that time I would have probably hit the roof like a High C.

As I gain more courage in my personal and professional career and my developmental and geopolitical trajectory. The more I embrace myself and others the more tolerance will give me when I am ready and confident to receive it. I never used to be so ready, set, go on that level. I can recall that I wasn't motivated like this after 1994. I wonder how I decided I wanted to be a pro writer when I grew up. Did I have like this power, this intuition. You know it's woman's power, witchy woman as goes the Eagles song. Their women are so like men would experience them in their time and place. I don't think we women have as much perspective on our guys because we're not quite brave enough to take the risk of being one of the guys. I have. I'm proud. I did it then, and I owned it as one of my signature strengths. That is why Peer Support worked so beautifully. I wasn't quite making up the Little Fellow stuff that's been here. It came from my idealisations and much more directly from my experience of devaluation and idealisation. I feel like a human ticker tape when I discuss those two words, as if I had been one of Papa's stocks and I rise and then I crash. But then I feel like this fluctuation is nature, and not like a human construct manipulable by a mere computer, which I must say in a few words is how I feel about psychiatrists and the psychologists. Oh shit. April 6 explained viscerally. It is a possibility, though and I am going to live with all the possibilities and options in the most complete, comprehensive way I can.

It's amazing how organic writing on the computer feels. Again like when I was little and did not get all these uni habits. I did NO creative writing in the sixth form. Again I can't deal with the competition to develop co-operation theme of a certain neurotic-bordering-on-psychotic. That fucking woman was hypomanic. I can imagine her eating her husband, consuming her husband. This is a pretty three-dimensional-imagining. I cannot imagine her eating the dad of her children, rather the guy she ran off in October 1995. That is yet another horrid betrayal which I now see through cellophane glass and one of those paper windows. I may yet make lots of cranes and do Visegrad proud
  • Current Music
    Patti Smith - 1959
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"This House believes that it is not so important to get all As as to be all smiles"

Try to write an affirmative and an alternative argument in relation to the statement.

Put in lots of friendly true details about your school life. If you're not comfortable, or your school life was more like a prickly canvas, use a role model or an imaginary persona/avatar who did like school and did try very hard to give it all she got.

Maybe just about 600 - 800 words.

Of course it can really be as long or as short as you like.

I generally am usually able to write 5 written pages in about 30 minutes, which is to say 600 words, nearly.

  • Current Music
    Naked and Sacred: Chynna Philips
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Some little reflection on the relationship between disgust and moral ideas

If I am more easily disgusted than most people, how does that change my relationships and especially the ones to whom I have a moral obligation? If one is or ever has felt disgusted with a person's conduct, but one genuinely knows that he cannot help?

Discuss this in relation to a text you have studied and read.

Use the new media stimuli to think about it in depth and breadth.

Pick up lots of realia.

Release your fury in your first draft, or other very strong basic emotion.

Cry and vomit and you might well feel your disgust.

Notice yourself positively and critically! Do you tend to feel disgust more over things that you essentially have no control and therefore no credit/investment/blame?
  • Current Music
    Bliss by Mariah Carey